You know that feeling when you look into someone’s eyes and they appreciate you, they approve of you? Approving of someone or something is seeing that they are right just the way they are right now. When we approve of the other, we soften and open. Likewise, as they feel our approval, they soften and open. Approval is the pathway to intimately encountering the other.
To wish someone were different is to impose our ideas onto them. Wanting someone to be different than they are is alienating, even violent. Evaluating someone prioritizes our mental idea of how they “should be” over who they actually are.
Approval is more than letting go of our ideas with nonattachment. Approval takes the next step and carries the certitude that reality is unfolding exactly as it should. The person before us could be no other way; in fact, they should be exactly the way they are right now for life’s perfect unfolding.
When we engage with approval, the intimacy, pleasure, and vibrancy of a rich and fulfilling sexual encounter opens up to us. We approve of our partner, of our moment-by-moment sensations, of ourselves, and of our desires. We approve. And, we intimately experience all the aspects of this moment evolving into the perfect next moment.